The Most Important Toy Is You: Why 10 Minutes of Play Builds Brains

As an occupational therapist, I’m often asked, “What toys should I buy to help my child learn and grow?”

My answer is simple: Start with you.

Your smile. Your voice. The way you follow your child’s lead, even for ten minutes a day - that's what lays the foundation for emotional regulation, language, social skills, and learning.

In this blog, I’ll share why connection is always the starting point in my work, why presence matters more than products, and how to make play feel light, meaningful, and backed by research (even when life is busy). I’ll also give you a free tool I’ve created to make play effortless and fun: a 30 Days of Play calendar, packed with quick, no-fuss activities that fuel your child’s development.

Why You Are the Most Important Part of Play

Forget the pressure to build the perfect toy shelf. What your child truly needs is you - your attention, your encouragement, your willingness to be in the moment.

When you spend time in play that’s responsive and connected, you’re:

• Building Brain Architecture:

  According to Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, “serve and return” interactions - those back-and-forth exchanges during play - literally build your child’s brain.

• Supporting Emotional Regulation:

  Children need safe, attuned relationships to learn how to calm their bodies and process big emotions. Your presence creates that security.

• Fostering Language Growth:

  When you narrate a game, ask open-ended questions, or imitate your toddler’s sounds, you’re scaffolding their vocabulary and communication skills.

• Developing Confidence:

  When children know you're emotionally available, they’re more likely to try new things, take healthy risks, and explore their world with confidence.

In the therapy world, we know that progress is directly tied to relationships. The same holds true in parenting. I always return to relationship as the throughline, because it works.

But What About Toys?

Toys can absolutely support learning and development, but they should invite interaction, not replace it. I look for open-ended, versatile tools that encourage creativity, connection, and exploration, especially those that help parents and children play together.

Here are a few of my OT-approved favorites for building connection and supporting development:

• 🧱 Blocks

  Build fine motor skills, spatial awareness, and turn-taking.

• 🌈 Sensory Tools

  Think playdough, textured balls, or water bins. These hands-on materials support emotional regulation and shared attention.

• 🎭 Puppets, Dolls and other Characters

  Spark joint storytelling, imaginative role-play, and emotional expression. These toys are especially powerful for building language and empathy through play.

• 📖 Books (Especially Interactive or Wordless)

  Shared reading supports joint attention, vocabulary, and back-and-forth conversation. Wordless books are great for co-creating stories with your child.

• 🧺 Real-Life Role Play Items

  Mini kitchen tools, brooms, or doctor kits help toddlers explore everyday routines and social roles while inviting meaningful adult participation.

• 🎶 Musical Instruments

  Shakers, rhythm sticks, or drums support co-regulation, imitation, and turn-taking. Bonus: music play is fun and emotionally bonding.

💡 Pro Tip: The best toys are the ones that come to life with you—not instead of you

👉 Check out my Sensory Play Blog for more ideas.

The Research-Backed Power of 10 Minutes

If you’ve ever felt like you need to entertain your child all day or create the “perfect” playroom, let this be your permission slip: you don’t need more stuff - you need more connection.

Research supports short bursts of responsive, joyful play as a way to:

• Strengthen parent-child bonds

• Improve attention and emotional regulation

• Support social-emotional development and language learning

• Build cooperation and reduce daily power struggles

And you don’t need an hour. Just ten minutes of distraction-free, child-led play can make a lasting difference.

The 30 Days of Play Series

I created a TikTok series called 30 Days of Play to inspire overwhelmed, busy parents with easy ideas you can try at home.         

Now, I’ve pulled it all together into one free calendar you can print, stick on your fridge, and use whenever you’re stuck on what to do.

🎉 Download the FREE 30 Days of Play Calendar
Each activity is:

• 10 minutes or less

• Designed to support real milestones (emotional regulation, fine motor skills, language, social-emotional development)

• Screen-free and connection-rich

You’re Already What They Need

It’s easy to get caught up in checklists, milestones, and Instagram-worthy playrooms. But the truth is simple: your child doesn’t need perfection; they need presence.

As an OT, I’ve supported hundreds of families, and I see this pattern over and over: progress follows connection. Whether it’s emotional regulation, toilet training, executive functioning, or motor skill development, play with you is where it begins.

So today, skip the overwhelm. Sit down. Share a giggle. Let them lead. That’s where the magic lives.